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guitarist > writer > coder

July 11, 2014
Comments Off on Sims in microwave, ditch the plastic, and prostitute yourself quick

Sims in microwave, ditch the plastic, and prostitute yourself quick

Wrote this in reply to an email from someone who had received a “cease and desist with your illegal downloading of pirated content belonging to a big company” email. Posted here in case it can be of help to anyone else. Written on my mobile, so it’s just the bare essential steps to take.

 

Only just seen your email, sorry. You’ve lost some time but there’s still hope.

  1. Sims out of your mobile and stick them in the microwave. Turn it up to Sunday roast and hit start.
  2. Drop your kids off at school and say goodbye. If they’re normal looking / semi intelligent, they’ll be fine, so don’t worry. Let them go. If you haven’t got kids, skip this step – don’t wing it with anyone else’s.
  3. Dig out your back up passports. It would be easier if you ditched your wife, but hey, not always easy, so if she’s coming, so be it.
  4. Baseball caps on for the bus journey to a train station you’ve never used before. And off to the nearest port. Cash tickets all the way.
  5. You’re counting on getting to the continent before the net closes, and by taking a boat and staying away from airports you should make it. Don’t talk to anyone. Even your wife. So many people slip up here.
  6. Bonjour! Welcome to your new life. Ditch all your credit cards, burn those passports, and hit the streets – you and your wife: prostitution is an equal opportunities employer. And you’ll need a lot of cash and quick: you’ve got a long journey ahead of you and it won’t be cheap.

Nerd Republic salutes you.

 

November 8, 2012
Comments Off on Why would you fly Ryanair?

Why would you fly Ryanair?

“If there ever was a crash on an aircraft, God forbid, a seatbelt won’t save you … Seatbelts don’t matter … You don’t need a seatbelt on the London Underground. You don’t need a seatbelt on trains which are travelling at 120mph and if they crash you’re all dead…” – Ryanair chief executive Mr O’Leary, Telegraph

Survivors vs Fatalities 1983 - 2000

Survivors vs Fatalities 1983 – 2000, NTSB

Apparently everyone dying in a plane crash isn’t a given, according to the National Transportation Safety Board. BoingBoing: “Surviving a plane crash is surprisingly common”.

 
And most accidents caused by turbulence could have been prevented:
 

“Most of the injuries caused by turbulence … could have been prevented by a decidedly low-tech measure: a seat belt … [Most] passenger injuries still involved people seated without being buckled in. Including minor injuries, like a cut or a twisted ankle, safety board data indicates that about 50 people a year suffer turbulence-related injuries. But that is only the number of accidents the agency investigates, so the true figure is higher.” – The Inevitability of Bumps, New York Times

 
I’ve seen the results of injuries caused by bad bus driving, and while fatalities might be rare on trains and buses despite Ryanair’s assertion otherwise, I’d prefer we were trying to make travel safer, not reducing safety measures just because Mr O’Leary wrongly believes everyone would be killed outright if there were an accident.

 
I avoid Ryanair on principal. Forget paying £1, I don’t think you could pay me to fly with them.