Read this first! Done? Sweet, you rock, thank you.
The Birthday Hit, 2010-11-?? © copyright 2010-2011 wetwebwork
[We’ll be using a nine panel grid layout, so any large panels should span the corresponding number of smaller panels where used]
Large panel, three columns, two rows high.
Our HERO stands on traffic island in busy road junction waiting for green man light to go green, we see traffic passing in front of him. This is the junction opposite DEBENHAMS in Clapham Junction (used to be Arding & Hobbs). There are quite a few other people around, maybe a few school kids, women shoppers, Christian leaf-letter (no sandwich board. But if we can have this detail, a leaflet reads ITS YOUR CHOICE). It’s mid afternoon. HERO is wearing a distinctive t-shirt in color alone, no design. Perhaps jeans and distinctive jacket over his shoulder.
CAPTION: SO I WAS OUT TO SCORE. THERE TO MEET FRANK.
Two column panel. Close up of our HEROs face, trying to spot FRANK. Were looking at our HERO from the left, viewing Clapham Junction to his right, looking up the hill.
Single column panel. Traffic crossing shows green man, our HERO crossing the road.
CAPTION: FRANK CAN BE A BIT FLAKY.
Full page spread, we’re slightly below head height facing the road, standing in St Johns Road. Our HERO stands facing away from us facing a car that has just swooped round the corner (into the buses and bikes only road: St Johns Road, Clapham Junction). We can clearly see one passenger in the front seat, who is speaking. Beyond him we see the silhouette of the DRIVER, and in the rear the silhouette of another man who has opened the near side door for our hero to get in.
This page should be nicely detailed, we see JD Sports, Foot Locker, Clinton cards, maybe part of a bus with an ad on the side (for the film The Killer Inside Me) and local shoppers. Highlight Clinton Cards, big up their birthday cards, balloons, etc (yes, were foreshadowing here!)
CAPTION: BUT AREN’T ALL DEALERS FLAKY?
PASSENGER: GET IN.
Going for that nine panel grid from here on. Our HERO getting into the car rear nearside passenger seat.
Our HERO in back seat (near side of car), we’re looking forwards towards the road ahead and the DRIVER in the front who is glancing back at our HERO.
We change view to see the FRONT NEARSIDE PASSENGER looking back at our HERO.
FRNT NEAR SIDE PASSENGER: YOU GOOD TO DO THIS?
Looking at our HERO face on, confused/nervous.
CAPTION: THIS WASN’T FRANK
Back to FRONT SEAT PASSENGER, frowning slightly.
FRNT NEAR SIDE PASSENGER YOU DON’T SEEM SO SURE.
Back to our HERO
HERO: I’M FINE. LET’S DO IT.
Back to FRONT NEAR SIDE PASSENGER, handing package back to our HERO. It’s pistol sized (because it’s a pistol, though that isn’t obvious yet).
FRNT NEAR SIDE PASSENGER: HERE, TAKE IT.
Our HERO holding package in both hands, looking down at it, puzzled.
CAPTION: THIS WASN’T A GRAM.
View of passenger in rear offside passenger seat. Looks dodgy as fuck, scary. Smoking.
REAR SEAT PASSENGER: WE’LL PAY YOU AS SOON AS IT’S DONE.
Large panel spanning three of our nine panel page boxes. We’re looking down into the bag on our HEROs lap which he has opened, still in the back of the moving car. We can clearly see a scary looking black automatic pistol.
Large three column spanning panel. Looking up lap height at our HERO and the other REAR PASSENGER. Our HERO is still looking down at the gun in his lap, the REAR SEAT PASSENGER is looking at him, speaking (so no closed mouth, he’s talking). REAR SEAT PASSENGER really doesnt like our HERO.
REAR SEAT PSNGR: YOU WON’T SCREW THIS UP. FUCK THIS UP…
Last three column spanning panel. Now we’re looking from the other passenger to our HERO who is now looking at the passenger in the rear, with the gun still bagged on his lap. Behind, through the windows, we see blurry streets of London (Battersea passing by). We’re heading from St Johns Road in Battersea to Culvert Street in Battersea, so when we see streets in the background they should be recognizable.
REAR SEAT PSNGR: …AND HE’LL DISAPPEAR. AND YOULL BE FUCKED.
Nine panels again. Our HERO talking, sweaty and nervous as fuck. Looking at the REAR SEAT PASSENGER.
HERO: looking down at gun again.
HERO: THIS IS LOADED?
FRONT SEAT PASSENGER speaking. Maybe this view could look like the last scene of THE LONG GOOD FRIDAY where Pierce Brosnan is pointing a gun at Bob Hoskins in the rear of the car?
FRNT SEAT PSNGR: WOULDN’T BE MUCH USE IF IT WASN’T, WOULD IT?
View of car racing through back streets of Battersea. Not driving dangerously, so any by-standers shouldnt be noticing the car – they should be looking elsewhere/away from car.
REAR SEAT PSNGR talking.
REAR SEAT PSNGR: WE’LL PULL UP NEAR THE PUB.
REAR SEAT PSNGR still talking, but perhaps view of DRIVER with shades and stubble driving, but glancing back at our HERO
REAR SEAT PSNGR WE CHECKED. HE’S SAT OUSIDE.
REAR SEAT PSNGR still talking
REAR SEAT PSNGR YOU POP HIM. WE’LL WAIT. THEN WE ALL PISS OFF.
Still in nine panel mode. FRONT SEAT PASSENGER talking, holding large wads of cash (in distinctive plastic supermarket bag, with cash visible inside. Maybe those translucent ASDA bags?), right hand out of sight because in the next panel…
FRNT SEAT PSNGR: THIS IS THE 20K.
Now the cash has been lowered and we see the FRONT SEAT PASSENGERS right hand holding an automatic pistol.
FRNT SEAT PSNGR: DON’T FUCK THIS UP. I’D HATE FOR YOU TO FUCK UP.
FRONT SEAT PASSENGER still talking, gun and money sort of out of sight. We’re facing forwards viewing him from our HEROs POV as he leans round to talk to our HERO.
FRNT SEAT PSNGR: GET IT?
Our HERO is doing some serious thinking now. HERO knows he’s fucked. These panels should show HERO realizing how bad this is until he finally decides he just has to go through with it (in pic 9). We alternate between looking at our HERO, the FRONT SEAT PASSENGER, the DRIVER (driving, doesn’t look back), and the REAR SEAT PASSENGER sizing up our HERO – does he have doubts they picked up the right guy?
Our HERO looks out the window, down at the gun in his lap, forwards at us.
Our HERO has accepted this situation. Looks at the REAR SEAT PASSENGER. Or the FRONT SEAT PASSENGER – whichever works best – and says…
HERO: GOT IT.
Three column spanning panel. View of car from slightly above looking down at driver and front seat passenger through windscreen. We see the FRONT SEAT PASSENGER holding the money still, and slipping the gun into a large jacket pocket (a sandy colored brown leather jacket, with the gun going into the left hand pocket, and he’s wearing a creamy colored polo shirt underneath. And he has sun glasses on and has brown hair and slight stubble. But that don’t really matter as long as the gun is going away, because now we know he thinks our HERO is going through with it. He should be looking in the same direction as the DRIVER – perhaps slightly to the left?
I’m imagining the FRONT SEAT PASSENGER as looking somewhat like Vincent Cassel as early Mesrine.
Besides him is the DRIVER, and while we don’t want to detract from the FRONT SEAT PASSENGER, we have a chance to show him in some detail as well. Maybe arm over arm, steering car, looking left?
If possible, have a Tufnell Park residents parking permit. Just because. This is fluff, so dont sweat it.
FRNT SEAT PASNGR: GOOD.
Three column spanning panel. View from above and to the rear of the car, we can see down the street (an actual street – Culvert Road, SW11), coming from the North. Ahead we can see a pub: THE BRITISH FLAG. Three men can be seen sitting a white plastic garden table outside. These me could be famous comic people: BRYAN DEAN (dressed in black, black leather jacket), etc. Don’t over crowd this panel with other people, the street should be fairly deserted, although there are a fair few parked cars.
FAT BALD WHITE STRIPEDS T-SHIRT GUY is in middle, THIRD MAN to his left, DEAN look-alike to his right.
DRIVER THERE’S THE PUB.
FRNT SEAT PSNGR: THE GUY WE WANT TO HIT IS THE ONE IN A WHITE STRIPED SHIRT. THE BIG GUY.
Three column spanning panel. We’re looking in to the car from the near side, at our HERO. He has his jaw clenched, he has clearly psyched himself up for this now. We can see the FRONT SEAT PASSENGER as well, perhaps the DRIVER in silhouette again?
HERO GIVE ME THE MONEY. I WANT THE MONEY NOW.
Back to nine panels. Looking at FRONT SEAT PASSENGER.
FRNT SEAT PASNGR: YOU DO A RUNNER, WE’LL FUCKING GUN YOU DOWN.
Looking over FRONT SEATS PASSENGER into rear of car, our HERO leaning forward, determined.
HERO: JUST GIVE ME THE MONEY.
Looking at REAR SEAT PASSENGER, who has poked his finger into HERO’s cheek.
REAR SEAT PSNGR: YOU FUCK WITH US –
Our HERO angrily brushing REAR SEATS PASSENGERS hand away, still leaning forward and looking at FRONT SEAT PASSENGER.
HERO I AIN’T EVER RUN. BUT PAY ME NOW.
FRONT SEAT PASSENGER passing the money back over his shoulder. Car has come to a stop, by the way.
HERO getting out of car, putting money into jacket pocket. Remember HERO isn’t wearing the jacket, so he’s holding the bag with the gun in it, and his jacket, and stuffing the money into a pocket as he exits the car.
Close up of FRONT SEAT PASSENGER putting hand into jacket pocket…
Close up of FRONT SEAT PASSENGER pulling out gun…
Close up of FRONT SEAT PASSENGER cocking gun in his lap – so probably an automatic pistol.
Three column spanning panel, as before when he put the gun in his pocket, that view down and into windscreen looking at DRIVER and FRONT SEAT PASSENGER. This time the REAR SEAT PASSENGER is leaning forwards.
DRIVER HE’D BETTER BE AS GOOD AS THEY SAID.
REAR SEAT PASSENGER CAN’T DO IT OURSELVES. BUT I DON’T LIKE IT
FRONT SEAT PASSENGER JUST HANG HERE. HE BOTTLES, I’LL TAKE CARE OF THEM BOTH.
Back to three panels in the row. Rear view of HERO walking towards the pub pulling on jacket, we can see the gun in the bag stuffed into the rear of his jeans waistband.
From rear, HERO with jacket on pulling bag/gun from waistband.
From rear, HERO pulling gun from bag behind his back.
From front, bag has fallen to the pavement, gun is down by the side of his leg. Possibly see car behind him up the street a bit. HERO is looking straight ahead.
HERO, gun in front of him pointing down and being cocked (so an automatic as well?)
HERO face on, gun up, pointed directly at us, about to fire.
Full page panel. Don’t know the angle on this one, possible from HERO’S left side as we’ve been following him south down the road on the east side pavement, and the pub is on this side. Anyways – HERO has the gun pointed at the fat bald white guy in white striped t-shirt and hero firing a single shot. Empty cartridge flies from the gun. THREE GUYS sitting with their pints are wincing, shocked, pints spilling, ducking. Don’t show the path of the bullet, as we don’t want the reader to know where it’s hit at this point. And so no blood or hits on the white striped t-shirt bloke. Just him flinching.
Three column, two row spanning panel. Full on detailed pic of the three men outside the pub, recovering, none are wounded, their pints have been spilt, DEAN has dropped his cigarette, two are looking shocked towards us, we need the fat bald man to be blocking the pub window behind him (as that’s where the shot has gone), but he’s covering his face with his arm.
DEAN WHAT THE HELL?!
Three panels again. Our HERO face on, shocked at what hes done, gun lowering.
View of car, DRIVER moving.
FRNT SEAT PSNGR: GO! DRIVE!
FAT STRIPED T-SHIRT BLOKE, arm still across face, slumped in chair.
FAT STRIPED T-SHIRT BLOKE: DON’T HURT ME!
Our HERO, recovering, glancing at disappearing car.
DEAN looking at HERO (us)
DEAN: WHAT THE HELL YOU DOING?!
BALD STRIPED T-SHIRT BLOKE, arm coming down, peeking at us, still holding pint in right hand, obviously not wounded. I was thinking off having his jeans wet from where he spilt his pint, as long as it doesn’t look like he pissed himself. That would be too much for our HEROs to recover this situation.
FAT STRIPED T-SHIRT: BLOKE YOU DONE?
HERO, face on, putting gun in jacket pocket, pretending to recite/sing:
HERO: MR MUSCLE, ON THIS DAY
HERO face on
HERO: WE’VE SENT SOMEONE TO MAKE YOU PAY
HERO face on
HERO: BECAUSE THERE’S ONLY ONE MESSAGE TO BE SENT YOUR WAY
Three column spanning panel, HERO, trying to smile, arms outstretched
HERO: FROM ALL THE GUYS – HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
FAT STRIPED T-SHIRT BLOKE looking up at us
FAT STRIPED T-SHIRT BLOKE: HUH?!
HERO, arms lowering
HERO: I’M A GANGSTA-GRAM. GARY SENT ME. HAPPY BIRTHDAY?
Face on view of DEAN
DEAN: IT AIN’T HIS BIRTHDAY!
HERO, looking confused
Face on of other THIRD MAN
THIRD MAN: IT AIN’T HIS BIRTHDAY.
HERO, face on
HERO: SHIT. WHO’S BIRTHDAY IS IT?
Three column spanning panel, the three men are standing now, slightly puzzled, bit confused
THIRD MAN: IT AIN’T ANYONE’S BIRTHDAY.
FAT STRIPED T-SHIRT MAN: DEFINITELY AIN’T MY BIRTHDAY!
HERO, still looking confused
HERO: GARY SENT ME.
THREE MEN, THIRD MAN, looking towards the others
THIRD MAN: WHO’S GARY?
THREE MEN looking at each other
DEAN: GARY BOOKER?
THREE MEN, still trying to puzzle it out
THIRD MAN: GARY COATES?
FAT STRIPED MAN looking at third man, slightly angry
FAT STRIPED T-SHIRT: MAN GARY NEVER SENDS ME ANYTHING FOR MY BIRTHDAY
FAT STRIPED T-SHIRT MAN: DUNNO IF HE EVEN KNOWS WHEN IT IS…
HERO, slightly concerned
HERO: LOOK, I’M OUT OF FIFTY QUID, I WAS TOLD THIS PUB…
FAT STRIPED T-SHIRT MAN: looking a bit sorry for HERO
FAT STRIPED T-SHIRT MAN: SORRY MATE, BUT YOU SURE YOU AIN’T AT THE WRONG PLACE?
HERO, pretending to look confused.
FAT STRIPED T-SHIRT BLOKE looking apologetic, also DEAN bloke
FAT STRIPED T-SHIRT BLOKE: GOTTA SAY, YOU GAVE ME A RIGHT FRIGHT!
DEAN: SCARIEST MOMENT I’VE EVER HAD
HERO: HEY, I’M SORRY, SOMEONE SCREWED UP…
Back to THREE MEN
THIRD MAN: WHERE YOU FROM?
HERO looking distracted, perhaps glancing up street
HERO: SOUTH LONDON.
THIRD MAN, laughing
THIRD MAN: NO, I MEANT WHAT BIRTHDAY PLACE? WHAT’S THE COMPANY?
HERO, look of recognition
HERO: OH, RIGHT, GANGSTA-GRAM
THREE MEN again, FAT STRIPED T-SHIORT BLOKE maybe wiping his brow with a white hanky.
THIRD MAN: YOU GOT A WEB SITE? PAUL WOULD LOVE THIS
DEAN: YEAH, WHEN’S HIS BIRTHDAY?
THIRD MAN: FUCK KNOWS…
Large three column, three row spanning panel (full page), with a smaller panel inset top left and another bottom right.
In the large panel we see the THREE MEN sitting, MAYBE DEAN is rolling an OLD HOLBORN rollup, FAT STRIPED T-SHIRT MAN is looking at THIRD MAN, THIRD MAN is talking to him. Behind the FAT STRIPED T-SHIRT MAN there is a single bullet hole in the glass.
In the smaller panel top left our HERO’s face, shocked.
In the panel bottom right we see a close up of the bullet holes in the window behind the FAT STRIPED T-SHIRT MAN. This where his shot went. Missed the FAT STRIPED T-SHIRT MAN and went through the window.
Our HERO again, face shocked, his phone is ringing in his pocket.
SFX: DRING DRING DRING, DRING DRING DRING
Or some other appropriate ring tone SFX / tune. Maybe chikka-chikka-chik, chikka-chikka-chik, la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la, oh just listen to YACHTs thirty second song forgotten what its called.
Our HERO, still shocked pulling the phone from his pocket. Nothing flash.
Phone to ear, baffled look on face. Well, not baffled, more dawning horror at how close he came to killing someone. Blood has drained from his face. He’s speaking into the phone, but very far away.
Our HERO on phone
FRANK (FROM PHONE): YO BROTHER, IT’S FRANK, WHERE ARE YOU?
Our HERO on phone
HERO: I’M IN THE WRONG PLACE.
HERO on phone
FRANK (FROM PHONE): HOW LONG YOU GONNA BE?
HERO on phone
HERO: I’LL BE RIGHT THERE.
HERO on phone
FRANK: OKAY BROTHER, DON’T LEAVE ME HANGING. I’VE GOTTA RUN REAL SOON.
HERO on phone
HERO: I’LL BE THERE.
Large three column two row spanning panel. We are looking back at the THREE MEN sat at the table. THREE MEN are all looking up at our hero, and two the left of the panel we see an OLD BIDDIE, very short, white hair and glasses, possibly wearing an old lady mack, making her way into THE BRITISH FLAG pub through the corner door behind the THREE MEN. She is quite stooped over, obviously not going anywhere fast. Possibly stick her in an earlier panel if we can showing her making her way to the pub?
THIRD MAN: YOU OKAY? YOU WANNA STAY FOR A PINT WHILE YOU SORT IT OUT?
HERO not looking well. Putting phone away.
HERO: I FUCKED UP…
Two column spanning panel (only because I left one out by mistake!)THREE MEN again. We could delay the OLD BIDDIE entering above (Pic1) and highlight it here?
DEAN: WAS THAT GANGSTA-GRAM? YOU CAN’T STAY?
HERO again, looking up street, SIREN in background somehow?
SFX SIREN: WHOOP WHOOP, WHEEAW WHEEAW
(OR WHATEVER SOUND A BLOODY COP CAR MAKES! QUITE LIKE THE FRENCH wiûû wiûû)
HERO Turning to run
HERO: SERIOUSLY GUYS, I GOTTA GO.
HERO Taking off down street, possibly glancing back over his shoulder. We can see a tunnel behind him that runs under railway tracks at the bottom of CULVERT ROAD.
CLOSE UP of THIRD MAN
THIRD MAN: HEY, HOLD UP!
HERO has turned, but is still walking backwards away from then, hand is in pocket where the gun is.
THIRD MAN standing up at table, or a bit away from it as though going after our HERO
THIRD MAN: THE NUMBER! YOU DIDN’T GIVE US THE NUMBER FOR GANGSTA-GRAM!
Our HERO still backing away. We probably need to check this mobile number or some poor sod will have nutters phoning them. And maybe we spell out the phone number?
HERO: 07608 878 454
THIRD MAN, holding mobile phone in hand, tapping the numbers into it. Behind him we can see the OLD LADY backing out of the pub her hands over her mouth looking shocked.
THIRD MAN: 07708 878…
Our HERO, further away now
HERO: 454. 4-5-4
FULL PAGE SPREAD? Our HERO running through tunnel, seen from the front. Looking panicked. Behind him in the distance we see the THIRD MAN waving. OLD LADY has fainted. We going to be able to get all this detail in? Hope so. If we can, one of the THREE MEN has turned to look at her.
THIRD MAN: CHEERS! WE’LL PHONE YOU!
We have a full page panel showing the interior of a single decker bus (it’s route G1, just in case we can fit that in do the routes appear inside the bus? Maybe on a route map inside the bus?). We are looking back from the front. Over laying this panel are four of five smaller panels showing close up of HERO.
In our HEROs lap is the bag of money.
Pic 2-6 (or something)
Show our HERO looking pale, staring out of window (looking left).
Then looking down at the money.
Then face in hands.
Hands pulling down from face.
The staring straight ahead.
Then looking out of window in other direction (looking right).
Our HERO back in CLAPHAM JUNCTION. HERO has back to DEBENHAMS (Arding & Hobbs). He has hands in pockets, and is waiting.
Car pulls up with FRANK in passenger seat, someone else is driving.
FRANK: WHERE YOU BEEN, BRO? WE HAD TO CIRCLE. BLOODY WARDENS.
HERO leaning up against car, at passenger window, taking something from FRANK with his right hand, folded notes in other hand down by his leg.
HERO: SOMEONE’S BIRTHDAY. HAD TO PAY THEM A VISIT.
CLOSE UP OF FRANK, still in passenger seat, we see his hand taking money from HERO’s hand. FRANK looks slightly hurt (emotionally, not physically)
FRANK: YOU SHOULD HAVE RUNG ME.
Close up of HERO’s, looking into car, seen from inside car.
HERO: SORRY. HEY – YOU SELL A GUN?
FRANK looking bit shocked, as does the driver.
FRANK: NO WAY, DON’T TOUCH THEM. TROUBLE. STAY AWAY FROM THEM, MY FRIEND.
HERO looking off to left up towards LAVENDER HILL
HERO: YEAH, TELL ME ABOUT IT…
Two column spanning panel, FRANK leaving in car
FRANK: LATERS, MY FRIEND. WE GOTTA SHOOT.
Large full page spread (Pic 2), with smaller inset panel (Pic 1) top left. In the smaller panel we see our HERO looking gob smacked. Perhaps just a view of his face?
We are looking from where HERO is standing out into road, and standing in the pedestrian crossing island is a HERO look-alike, wearing an identical colored t-shirt, similar hair cut, easily confused with our hero, looking angrily at his watch. Or perhaps he is staring off to the left with a mobile phone to his ear looking angry.
All characters appearing in this work are completely fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Really.