guitarist > writer > coder

July 11, 2014
Comments Off on Sims in microwave, ditch the plastic, and prostitute yourself quick

Sims in microwave, ditch the plastic, and prostitute yourself quick

Wrote this in reply to an email from someone who had received a “cease and desist with your illegal downloading of pirated content belonging to a big company” email. Posted here in case it can be of help to anyone else. Written on my mobile, so it’s just the bare essential steps to take.


Only just seen your email, sorry. You’ve lost some time but there’s still hope.

  1. Sims out of your mobile and stick them in the microwave. Turn it up to Sunday roast and hit start.
  2. Drop your kids off at school and say goodbye. If they’re normal looking / semi intelligent, they’ll be fine, so don’t worry. Let them go. If you haven’t got kids, skip this step – don’t wing it with anyone else’s.
  3. Dig out your back up passports. It would be easier if you ditched your wife, but hey, not always easy, so if she’s coming, so be it.
  4. Baseball caps on for the bus journey to a train station you’ve never used before. And off to the nearest port. Cash tickets all the way.
  5. You’re counting on getting to the continent before the net closes, and by taking a boat and staying away from airports you should make it. Don’t talk to anyone. Even your wife. So many people slip up here.
  6. Bonjour! Welcome to your new life. Ditch all your credit cards, burn those passports, and hit the streets – you and your wife: prostitution is an equal opportunities employer. And you’ll need a lot of cash and quick: you’ve got a long journey ahead of you and it won’t be cheap.

Nerd Republic salutes you.


Comments are closed.