
Daftness inspired by NerdRepublic’s Jon Harris
…
Sean Slater: We’ll bury him alive.
GM: What are you using?
Sean: The shovel of B&Q!
GM: Roll 1d8
Sean: a 3…
GM: After over three hours of sweat and toil you have dug a pit in the back garden the size of a Nissan Micra.
Tanya Branning: We’ll throw Max in.
Max Branning: I’m putting up a fight!
GM: You’re unconscious. Tanya and Sean, roll 1d10 each.
Sean: A 5.
Tanya: 6.
GM: You roll Max into the pit, and he lands face down in the muddy water at the bottom with a splash. He makes sucking noises as he begins to drown in the water.
Max: Saving throw?
GM: Roll 2d10…
Max: 38?
GM: In your unconscious mind you see the face of you’re childhood sweetheart welcoming you down a long tunnel that slowly closes in around you.
Max: Crap.
Tanya: We’ll head to the Old Vic!
Sean: And I’ll order drinks.
GM: Roll 2d4…
Sean: 4?
GM: Standing, sipping warm ale at the bar you are struck by the terrifying thought that you left Max drowning in a unfilled hole in your back garden in broad daylight.
Sean: Fuck!
GM: And you’re holding a muddy shovel, dripping with sweat.
Ian Beale: Are the rest of us in the pub yet?
Dot Cotton: And am I still rolling to fix this tumble drier?
…
Hopefully it’s as obvious that this has nothing really to do with the BBC or TSR as the fact that I’ve never watched an episode of EastEnders.














