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May 16, 2012
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EastEnders RPG

Eastenders RPG
Daftness inspired by NerdRepublic’s Jon Harris

Sean Slater: We’ll bury him alive.

GM: What are you using?

Sean: The shovel of B&Q!

GM: Roll 1d8

Sean: a 3…

GM: After over three hours of sweat and toil you have dug a pit in the back garden the size of a Nissan Micra.

Tanya Branning: We’ll throw Max in.

Max Branning: I’m putting up a fight!

GM: You’re unconscious. Tanya and Sean, roll 1d10 each.

Sean: A 5.

Tanya: 6.

GM: You roll Max into the pit, and he lands face down in the muddy water at the bottom with a splash. He makes sucking noises as he begins to drown in the water.

Max: Saving throw?

GM: Roll 2d10…

Max: 38?

GM: In your unconscious mind you see the face of you’re childhood sweetheart welcoming you down a long tunnel that slowly closes in around you.

Max: Crap.

Tanya: We’ll head to the Old Vic!

Sean: And I’ll order drinks.

GM: Roll 2d4…

Sean: 4?

GM: Standing, sipping warm ale at the bar you are struck by the terrifying thought that you left Max drowning in a unfilled hole in your back garden in broad daylight.

Sean: Fuck!

GM: And you’re holding a muddy shovel, dripping with sweat.

Ian Beale: Are the rest of us in the pub yet?

Dot Cotton: And am I still rolling to fix this tumble drier?

Hopefully it’s as obvious that this has nothing really to do with the BBC or TSR as the fact that I’ve never watched an episode of EastEnders.

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